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so, going into nanowrimo, let's talk about my mood
well for one, this marks one year of doing two week projects. that's kind of wild to think about. the index isn't fully updated, but it contains most of the stuff. the highlights: my possibility space code, which is still very unfinished but also the most abstract-math code i've ever written; the hex embedder, which went from looking like this to looking like this over the course of ten months; and the haskell rendering system, which is still only just barely working but it's also way more performant than my other haskell rendering code that was just a huge mess. also there was the svg renderer and some constructive solid geometry house generator stuff, and some other stuff -- all this l-system code, etc. a lot of stuff that's still unfinished or hardly-extant, but 'hardly extant' is still a vast improvement on 'not extant at all'.
and notable because it's gonna be what i'm nanowrimoing on, i also started the locust tf game in january. right now it's at 132k words, and i've written 20k of those words this month. gonna have to do more than double that for nanowrimo.
but also.
oh boy have i been feeling like shit recently. the state of the world is a nightmare and it seems like it's only going to get worse, barring some nights of blood where we all rise up and murder every politician and CEO we can get our hands on.
when i was a kid i tended to worry about the heat death of the universe a lot, and as i got older my solution for that was, you know, existentialism. sure maybe at the end of all things nothing will remain, but before then there's lots of possibilities for people to live enjoyable satisfying lives.
meanwhile the current situation here on earth is more like, capitalism is killing itself and is gonna take most of the rest of us with it. not in billions of years. more like in the next 50 years. unless some really unexpected things happen, the world in 30 years is gonna be unrecognizable to the world of today. the world in 10 years might be vastly different from the world of today.
and that kind of mindset is making it increasingly difficult to get invested in writing goofy porn or working on little code projects, or just, doing anything or getting invested in anything, when it seems like anything i make is gonna have an audience for like. five years. before the world crumbles apart to the point where nothing matters.
so you know i'm not really _planning_ to utterly give up on nanowrimo seven days in after a hugely dispiriting election, but that's definitely an option i'm aware of. and i mean "democratic party takes control of the house" is only a marginally less bad option. can't wait for them to accomplish absolutely nothing. like that's definitely part of what's driving the despair and hopelessness, like: actually perhaps the systems that we live in are specifically designed to prevent us from having any meaningful impact, and maybe this is all them working as intended, stuck with two sides of the same coin, where the choice you have is 'worth than doing nothing' and 'considerably worse than doing nothing'.
so you know that's a good mindset to have when going into trying to write a bunch of goofy porn. i'm sure it'll be fine.
well for one, this marks one year of doing two week projects. that's kind of wild to think about. the index isn't fully updated, but it contains most of the stuff. the highlights: my possibility space code, which is still very unfinished but also the most abstract-math code i've ever written; the hex embedder, which went from looking like this to looking like this over the course of ten months; and the haskell rendering system, which is still only just barely working but it's also way more performant than my other haskell rendering code that was just a huge mess. also there was the svg renderer and some constructive solid geometry house generator stuff, and some other stuff -- all this l-system code, etc. a lot of stuff that's still unfinished or hardly-extant, but 'hardly extant' is still a vast improvement on 'not extant at all'.
and notable because it's gonna be what i'm nanowrimoing on, i also started the locust tf game in january. right now it's at 132k words, and i've written 20k of those words this month. gonna have to do more than double that for nanowrimo.
but also.
oh boy have i been feeling like shit recently. the state of the world is a nightmare and it seems like it's only going to get worse, barring some nights of blood where we all rise up and murder every politician and CEO we can get our hands on.
when i was a kid i tended to worry about the heat death of the universe a lot, and as i got older my solution for that was, you know, existentialism. sure maybe at the end of all things nothing will remain, but before then there's lots of possibilities for people to live enjoyable satisfying lives.
meanwhile the current situation here on earth is more like, capitalism is killing itself and is gonna take most of the rest of us with it. not in billions of years. more like in the next 50 years. unless some really unexpected things happen, the world in 30 years is gonna be unrecognizable to the world of today. the world in 10 years might be vastly different from the world of today.
and that kind of mindset is making it increasingly difficult to get invested in writing goofy porn or working on little code projects, or just, doing anything or getting invested in anything, when it seems like anything i make is gonna have an audience for like. five years. before the world crumbles apart to the point where nothing matters.
so you know i'm not really _planning_ to utterly give up on nanowrimo seven days in after a hugely dispiriting election, but that's definitely an option i'm aware of. and i mean "democratic party takes control of the house" is only a marginally less bad option. can't wait for them to accomplish absolutely nothing. like that's definitely part of what's driving the despair and hopelessness, like: actually perhaps the systems that we live in are specifically designed to prevent us from having any meaningful impact, and maybe this is all them working as intended, stuck with two sides of the same coin, where the choice you have is 'worth than doing nothing' and 'considerably worse than doing nothing'.
so you know that's a good mindset to have when going into trying to write a bunch of goofy porn. i'm sure it'll be fine.
