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today i am feeling itchy and restless and also terrible. i worked on hell game a little -- fixed up parts of the code that i didn't write last night; started actually hooking up some scenes -- but it was little more than just picking at the code. BUT I GUESS IT WAS SOMETHING.
i think part of it is just that i have really mixed feelings abt hell game, like... i kind of hate porn, or like, the whole persona of being a person on the internet who writes porn. or more like how that shakes out wrt interpersonal interactions in the ~furry fandom~, & just the way people respond to yr work & respond to you. (y'know all the stuff where if you talk abt yr personal issues the responses are always tinged with this concern about the content. you know the content that you, the content-generator, generate. there are no people on the internet just content feeds.)
but porn is MARKETABLE. even though i haven't really, uh, marketed anything. and i'd much rather just noodle around w/ procedural generation stuff, but that doesn't really have an END GOAL the way hell game does. plus: with procedural generation, as with hell game, eventually all your abstractions and generations run out and you have to actually make content, & just running away into a project that's even less finished and thus makes even fewer demands wrt actual content doesn't really seem like a great long-term plan.
and so like, idk. i mean at this point i kinda need to be thinking about $$$ and actually making some amount of money from, uh, basically anything i do & hell game seems like the most WELL PLACED, which is a very mercantile motive i guess, but... idk.
anyway thinking about it is exhausting and kinda makes me miserable. which is of course exactly what you want to be feeling when trying to write for yr upbeat sex romp game.
blehhhhh
when you get down to it: my heart just isn't in it. but like, i can't really give a great list of what my heart is in.
i think part of it is just that i have really mixed feelings abt hell game, like... i kind of hate porn, or like, the whole persona of being a person on the internet who writes porn. or more like how that shakes out wrt interpersonal interactions in the ~furry fandom~, & just the way people respond to yr work & respond to you. (y'know all the stuff where if you talk abt yr personal issues the responses are always tinged with this concern about the content. you know the content that you, the content-generator, generate. there are no people on the internet just content feeds.)
but porn is MARKETABLE. even though i haven't really, uh, marketed anything. and i'd much rather just noodle around w/ procedural generation stuff, but that doesn't really have an END GOAL the way hell game does. plus: with procedural generation, as with hell game, eventually all your abstractions and generations run out and you have to actually make content, & just running away into a project that's even less finished and thus makes even fewer demands wrt actual content doesn't really seem like a great long-term plan.
and so like, idk. i mean at this point i kinda need to be thinking about $$$ and actually making some amount of money from, uh, basically anything i do & hell game seems like the most WELL PLACED, which is a very mercantile motive i guess, but... idk.
anyway thinking about it is exhausting and kinda makes me miserable. which is of course exactly what you want to be feeling when trying to write for yr upbeat sex romp game.
blehhhhh
when you get down to it: my heart just isn't in it. but like, i can't really give a great list of what my heart is in.
