today i: didn't do much really.
i mean okay the goal behind this whole process thing is to... get me thinking more abt Important Projects i could be working on, and to generate a record of just what i've done, so that when i come back in a week it's not like "oh i have never done anything, it's been so long, it must have been months since i worked on this thing". it was definitely not designed to: "oh hey here's my dumb token effort on a thing. today i wrote 300 words for a story i don't care about". tho, i mean, excessive self-criticism is also a thinggggg i should try to work on i guess.
(partly it's that from december onwards i've been on my windows partition nearly exclusively, playing minecraft and writing, and i get a lot more of a feeling-of-success when i write code, so it's like. woo. wrote a thing. hooray wrote a thing that i got paid for. huzzah. blehh. since, like, writing is nice and i guess i'm decent at it but it doesn't really hit the reward center of my brain in the same way working on code does. but it's so exhausting to do things with code. noodling around with no goal is fine but when it comes to actually doing "here's a thing i want and here's a mental map of what code i need to have to get it" it's just a messy slog.
admittedly, part of that's because i'm so used to noodling around with no goal i inherit my habits from that, and so i don't do things like... write out notes and plan several steps ahead and look at how everything is going to need to fit together eventually, and then go write code with the end goal always fixed firmly in mind. so it's just a bunch of meandering code that goes off on a tangent and that i end up rewriting a bunch without ever really approaching the goal.)
this post doesn't really have a goal either, i'm just kind of frustrated and dissatisfied w/ myself.
i mean okay the goal behind this whole process thing is to... get me thinking more abt Important Projects i could be working on, and to generate a record of just what i've done, so that when i come back in a week it's not like "oh i have never done anything, it's been so long, it must have been months since i worked on this thing". it was definitely not designed to: "oh hey here's my dumb token effort on a thing. today i wrote 300 words for a story i don't care about". tho, i mean, excessive self-criticism is also a thinggggg i should try to work on i guess.
(partly it's that from december onwards i've been on my windows partition nearly exclusively, playing minecraft and writing, and i get a lot more of a feeling-of-success when i write code, so it's like. woo. wrote a thing. hooray wrote a thing that i got paid for. huzzah. blehh. since, like, writing is nice and i guess i'm decent at it but it doesn't really hit the reward center of my brain in the same way working on code does. but it's so exhausting to do things with code. noodling around with no goal is fine but when it comes to actually doing "here's a thing i want and here's a mental map of what code i need to have to get it" it's just a messy slog.
admittedly, part of that's because i'm so used to noodling around with no goal i inherit my habits from that, and so i don't do things like... write out notes and plan several steps ahead and look at how everything is going to need to fit together eventually, and then go write code with the end goal always fixed firmly in mind. so it's just a bunch of meandering code that goes off on a tangent and that i end up rewriting a bunch without ever really approaching the goal.)
this post doesn't really have a goal either, i'm just kind of frustrated and dissatisfied w/ myself.
